Chapter Four

My relationship with Merek would never be the same. He was cold and distant, no longer the loving gentle man I fell in love with. He blamed me for what happened. I still could not explain it, I hadn't been with anyone other than my husband, yet Tristan was most definitely not Merek's child.  Most days I spent in my chambers with my ladies, and the nights I spent in tears. Tears for the child I would never get to hold, tears for the man I loved that was now gone. Some nights I awoke and could swear I heard crying,  my arms ached to comfort the child I heard in my dreams.

We still appeared together in public, pretending that nothing was amiss, though in private it was a much different  story. He wanted an heir, yet he hadn't so much as kissed me since I was released from the tower. One night that changed when he came to bed with me, the next morning as he was leaving I secretly prayed that I was with child, otherwise I feared my life was over. It was nearly Tristan's second birthday, I missed him, I wondered what kind of child he would have become.

Alice had become a good mother, teaching her ward to walk and talk, and telling him of all the comings and goings of court. Tristan was getting big, but  since he had been taught from an early age, he slept in the day, and learned all he could during the night. It was more and more apparent as he got older that he was of something dark.

My prayers were answered, I was with child once again. This time, no one fawned over me, or ordered me to bed. When I told Merek, for just a moment I could see the hope in his eyes, it was quickly extinguished, replaced by his icy stare once more. Time wore on, and at last my pains came.

 I prayed I would give Merek the son he desired, redeeming my self in the process, but alas, I gave birth to a girl. She was perfect, though her father was not thrilled with the news of her arrival.

He locked himself in his study and refused to even look upon his daughter.

I named her Cecily, her nurse was standing by to take her, but I refused to hand her over, holding her for the longest time. Finally I did give her to the nurse, she would be cared for in the manor befitting a princess, though I knew I would rarely see her, only when her father permitted it.